This incident occurred when I was in Cambridge for an exchange program during my JC years. Students from many locales were invited to join a Summer Science Program at the University of Cambridge. We were split into groups, and assigned to different professors to complete a 'mini science project'.
My group consisted of 5 members including myself; 2 Singaporeans, 1 Vietnamese, 1 Japanese and 1 American student. We got off to a fine start, each taking turns to bring up ideas we had regarding the science project. However, as the discussion went on, the American student, Jonas, began to voice out his opinion more and more frequently, sometimes even interrupting people in mid-sentence. He mostly made critical comments about other people's ideas, without sparing a thought for other people's feelings. I did not mind constructive criticism, but the way and manner in which he phrased it – "that's a stupid idea", "ridiculous" etc.
I found this behaviour appallingly crass, and couldn't help thinking to myself: "What kind of upbringing did he have? Can't you at least wait until people have finished talking before you speak? Why are you so rude?" Tension in our group started to build, and our members spoke less and less.
Later on, as we took a break for lunch, I decided to confront Jonas about his overly aggressive comments. I asked him why he had to take such an offensive tone and manner when speaking to his peers. He didn't seem to see anything wrong with his behaviour, and explained that that was the way he talked to his classmates back in high school. Through talking to him, I realised that was the way he was moulded; in his society, the ability to speak your mind and assert your ideas in a direct manner was valued.
After explaining to him a little about how Asian cultures tended to take into consideration the situation and the feelings and opinion of others, and suggesting how he could phrase his comments in a more polite and constructive manner, he quickly saw how his behaviour could have offended the rest of the team. Luckily, on explaining a little about his background and apologising for his past behaviour, tensions in the team eased somewhat and or project was completed without a hitch.
This incident really brought to mind the concept of 'independent self' and 'interdependent self' – how situations could have turned ugly without understanding the appropriate behaviour and interaction customs in each situation.
