Conflicts are an inevitable part of interpersonal relationships. It can be as minor as mild disagreement, it can be as serious as exchanging physical blows. Even the most tightly knit of friends will eventually fight; the key is in how we can analyse and resolve the issue before it gets blown out of hand.
Not too long ago, a few of my friends decided to plan an impromptu trip to Bintan, as one of them (Z) would be going to study overseas for two years soon. All the decisions were made in a hurry, as there was less than a week to plan and book passage and lodgings. That was when it all began...
Not too long ago, a few of my friends decided to plan an impromptu trip to Bintan, as one of them (Z) would be going to study overseas for two years soon. All the decisions were made in a hurry, as there was less than a week to plan and book passage and lodgings. That was when it all began...
Out of the six of us, two of us (X and I) felt that it was too rushed and wanted to postpone the trip. The other four were all for it, and tried to pressure us into going by claiming that "it was the last trip we would share together, as there will be no opportunities for the next 2 years" and that "the hotels and ferry tickets were already booked".
I already had a packed schedule, but decided to go for it by compromising some other less important things. However, I felt that the way they tried to use the "guilt" factor (not being able to see Z for the next 2 years) was kind of low.
X already had issues with all the last minute planning, and decided not to go. Thinking it would be less fun if not all of us were there, Y and Z who were keen on going tried to persuade X to go by psychoanalysing X's reasons for not going. This made the usually easy-going X extremely angry and even more dead set against going. I think that this was because instead of respecting X's decision, Y and Z tried to force X to see their viewpoint. In the end, everybody but X and I went for the trip.
To date, although all of us have met up and made up (with me mediating stuff between X and Y & Z), there sometimes seem to be an invisible line between X, and Y & Z. Will things never be the same between us again?
Was there a better way the situation could have been handled, and is there any way to repair the relationship between our group again?
Suggestions and feedback would be highly appreciated!
Hi Jonathan, if your friend is a girl, then I think it's definitely more difficult than guys. Because a girl can always forgive, but never forgets. So, even things are find, it's gonna be difficult for the girl to take it as the whole incident didn't happen.
ReplyDeleteIn any way, it should not be impossible for your friends to be all good together again if you guys treasure the friendship. (: time does heal wounds, maybe they still need more time.
In the meantime, maybe you could create more opportunities for them to meet up more often, giving them chance to communicate with each other more. (:
Yes,I do agree with See Wan. you can create more opportunities for them to meet up. But make sure they are communicating positively, and not throwing daggers under the table!!
ReplyDelete(Sorry for the late comment as I could not log in in China... It was blocked...I just update mine and welcome to make comments)
ReplyDeleteWell, I think you are still quite important in your situation. I am sure X,Y&Z are still care about each other. It's just they also care about their "face" and do not want be the first person to fix the relationship. Try to gather them together and I am sure you guys all could rmb how happy you were with each other after some time. I don't think mention the old things is necessary, you just need to try to let them feel how important this relationship for all your group. Good luck! :)
Thanks for the advice guys! Will try it out really soon =)
ReplyDeleteHey Jon,
ReplyDeleteHaha I (SUPER) LIKE what See Wan said! "Because a girl can always forgive, but never forgets."
That being said, the deeper the relationship, the worse the wound, the larger the scar. X probably felt that all of you were his/her very good friends, thus the emotional wound. To him/her, this may very well be a "sign of betrayal" of trust and intrusion of personal space. Trust in the sense that he/she trusted them to understand him/her and yet they used the very reasons he/she gave against him/her. Moreover, he/she is usually an easy going person, hence this is very likely to be an "explosion". The best way Y & Z could have handled that situation was to apologise profusely right at that moment. I feel that the longer this conflict drag the more stale the relationship would become.
I have a very similar invisible barrier with one of my friends now, who was there for me when I was hurt and yet I relinquished her friendship by not heeding her advices. Now the two of us aren't as close as before. Perhaps I should have posted that as my blog post instead haha. One way we got closer again, was through a mass outing! Start with group meetings so it won't be so awkward. As they improve their relationship they may very well ask each other out themselves!
Hope this helps. =)